“All your actions and possessions should be orderly – each and every one in a set place and set time. Let your thoughts always be free to deal with that which lies ahead of you.” – Rabbi M.M. Lefin of Satanov, Cheshbon Hanefesh
Sometimes our days are spoken for without our consent. Today was one of those days. Each teen had an agenda, and I was expected to comply. Granted, I understand their needs and want for their time to be meaningful. But times three, it can be amazing. I accept it, but where does my day fit it into this grand scheme? All of us can understand this, as we either hold day jobs or other types of activities that claim our time. How do we find order in this daily grind? How do we find meaning and derive holiness from these tasks which are beyond our control and exceed our planning?
acceptance
Probably the hardest part for all of us is acceptance in matters of our time. We are not always the masters of our daily time, our schedules. We find ourselves more than not submitting to that which is beyond our control. But is this so bad? Sometimes we make it out to be absolutely horrible. We struggle with someone else making out our schedule, someone else dictating our time tables. What I find easier is realizing that sharing is a viable component in all of this. Sharing our time, sharing our resources, sharing our life helps make experiences and life moments possible for others. True, it takes a chunk out of our valuable time. But in the end, we are giving to others that which they othewise could not have on their own. We are giving selflessly and wholly of our time. This is something we cannot get back, for sure, but which can enhance the lives of others.
order in flux
Sometimes it is difficult for us to accept a daily plan that hasn't been ordered in advance. As a mom of three teens, I try to encourage future planning but also accept spontaneity. While I like to live a more organized and planned day, I also realize that there are others who are learning order and planning. As I gracefully learn how to jump into their daily planning, it pulls me in many directions. I fight the urge to be irked because I realize that learning how to gracefully choreograph order and planning can take many years. In time it will come, but for now I need to learn how to do an avant-garde leap and transition as I am called upon. Not only will my children's consideration come in time, but so will their understanding of planning. As a parent, this is ingrained in me. Give it time, it can be learned and integrated.
As you go through your own week, use your own skill of finessing order and planning in the shadow of lack of planning. Learn to move with grace and fill in the steps to stylishly bring order to impossible moments of disorder. Pirkei Avot encourages us to be a leader in moments when there is no leader. However, do this too with grace; for even being a leader means patience, understanding growth, and working with others. Order doesn't always mean getting it your way. Sometimes it means adapting your own order in a way that conforms and flows with others. While it isn't always easy, it brings harmony and helps to fuse our lives with those around us so that we may walk together.